


Facing Consequences

by Hallyeet



Category: Rise of the TMNT - Fandom, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Bonding, Brothers, Depression, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27579674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallyeet/pseuds/Hallyeet
Summary: {WARNING: This fic deals with heavy themes such as depression and THOUGHTS of suicide however suicide and self-harm WILL NOT take place}We have the leader. Fearless, and ever the good heart running around and helping the citizens of New York.We have the brainiac. Smarter than all the world's scientists combined and always never ceasing to amaze.We have the sunshine. Bright and bouncing, cheering on those around him, and brightening up everyone's day....And who was the last one? Leo himself didn't even know.Who was he to the team?To the family?To everybody?And most importantly, who was he to himself?
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & April O'Neil & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael & Splinter (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 97





	1. Prologue: It's Just Another Day

New York City.

A continuously bustling city twenty-four hours seven days a week. Whether the sunshine glinted off skyscrapers’ windows or the moon illuminated artificially lit buildings, New York was always moving. And, if you paused and listened hard enough past the main buzz of peoples’ voices, crying babies, traffic honks, and the other ruckus, perhaps you would catch a wisp of the extraordinary lives that thrived in shadowed content. No, I don’t mean celebrities disguising themselves with cheap sunglasses that cover half their faces or the rebels who wait impatiently for any sliver of a chance at crime. 

I’m talking about the mutants.

And specifically, we’re going to focus our story on four special turtles. 

~

The sewers felt incredibly bare without the noises of Leo’s brothers. The empty space was getting uncomfortably familiar as he tapped out of more and more patrols, much to his dismay. In hindsight, he wasn’t exactly sure...why. Sure, he failed to show up as frequently as the rest of the team did usually, but that was because he’d find himself occupied with activities he’d always wanted to do. Usually...he was not wasting time lying in an unmotivated heap on his bed in exhausted boredom. How had he gotten here? Leo wouldn’t be able to tell say. Time lost its meaning when concerns shrank to the size of the bedroom. His muscles twitched as if reminding him where he should be. Facing baddies, fighting crime. _Even more useless than he already was._ Maybe if he texted them now, they could pause and wait for him to catch up? _Or they could be doing just fine without him._ He briefly considered portaling before chasing that idea away quickly. _He always screwed up when trying to activate his mystic power._

Leo flinched as he thought about what had happened earlier before they left; before he let them go. His oldest brother had come to fetch him, hoping for his blue brother to finally come along. “Leo, it’s time to go,” Raph’s voice followed the swish of the curtain that covered the opening of his room. Leo heard his brother’s words but didn’t register them, lying beneath the mountain of blankets on his bed. ‘Come on. Get up,’ he thought helplessly, trying to will himself off the mattress. “Leo,” the snapping turtle’s tone grew sterner. _You have to go._ “You haven’t been on a mission in how long?” _You’re getting lazier just lying there._ “I’m serious. Don’t you wanna use your weapon at least?” _Your skills with that ōdachi_ _of yours won’t get better just lying around._ “Last call before I leave you here.” “...” _Don’t leave me. Please._ “Fine. So be it.” The curtain was roughly pulled back, Raph’s heavy steps fading as he quickly strode away. There was a short murmured conversation, voices muffled between walls before silence. Tears had stung Leo’s eyes, burning behind his eyelids as his body suddenly jerked.

_What would I be good for anyway?_

Leo hated the fatigue. He wanted it gone, to throw it away like a forgotten dream. He was just about to pick up his phone to plead them to wait when he heard the sounds of their return. Faint, then loud enthusiastically discussing the exhilarating time they had while out.

“And did you see ‘em run? Won’t be ransacking that dollar store anymore, that’s for sure!”

“Yeah! And that new topping at Run of the Mill? _Perfection._ ” 

“Too bad Leo wasn’t there to see me totally roast them with my-” 

“Donnie. Just call it a flamethrower already.” 

The slider cringed at their celebration, wishing he could have seen it all rather than trying to imagine what they could possibly be doing without him. The irritation at himself flared, flickering brighter now like a wavering candle flame. He detected the sound of footsteps coming in his direction and braced himself for the disappointment. “Leo? You awake?” Raph’s question hung in the stillness of the air, longing for an answer to satisfy it until the silence itself became the solution. With a soft sigh, the curtains weakly rattled as he left. Leo was angry with the cowardice that prevented him from facing his brother while the weaker part of him thanked him for not answering. 

Everybody was asleep when he left. Nobody in the world knew where he was. In the botanical garden, he could peer upward through the glass roof and into the infinite loop of stars. Astronomical forms that didn’t notice nor care about him. In the leaves and plants around him, butterflies slumbered in the greenhouse, waiting for the sun to rise as per their everyday routine. Leo envied their perfect content. The way feelings didn’t have to complicate their matters. He thought bitterly of how they’d react if they were to be mutated and suddenly stuck with the unfamiliar tide of emotions. Confused. Afraid. Angry. Well...he could only dream. As his eyes searched for a hair of any familiar constellation, he sighed. One big heavy push of a breath, exhaling every burden that had been building up.

And, if he closed his eyes, everything could be okay for one fleeting moment. 


	2. Glass Shards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had saved his brothers.
> 
> And now he was going to die.

_Fire._

_Everywhere, a rising inferno closed in like a predator to its prey. Flames licked out and retreated, taunting. Teasing. And, at the center of it all, overlapping voices begged their brother to set them free. “Leo! Get us out of here!” Raph shouted over the roar of the blaze, huddling over Donnie and Mikey wrapped in his hulking arms. Leo swallowed, the lump in his throat refusing to go down as he grasped the hilt of his ōdachi in his sweaty palms. Anxiety and fear twisted in his gut, a festering storm waiting to explode. He braced himself, willed with everything he had to make a gateway out. The blade merely passed through empty air. Panic tightened his chest and he looked helplessly towards his brothers with anguish, watching the flames grow higher and higher like a wall of briars out of the corner of his eye. How would he get them out if this stupid thing wouldn’t work?!_

_The stone walls of the maze began moving, starting to advance slowly towards the group. Leo’s breath hitched as he heard them emit a low groaning and creaking noise. His stomach proceeded to lurch as a million spikes shot out from the surface with a terrible rock-on-metal screech. His hand flew to his mouth to prevent him from vomiting at the death seemingly guaranteed for them. If he could see himself, he bargained he’d be greener than he already was. The ōdachi slipped from his hands and he scrambled for it, remembering the task at hand. “LEO!” Raph’s voice was harsher, more commanding. A leader rather than a big brother. “WE ARE_ **_NOT_ ** _DYING IN HERE BECAUSE OF YOU.”_

 _His eyes watered, the inevitable failure hanging over his head like a puppet master grinning down upon his manipulated toy. He tried again and again, the adrenaline beginning to energize his tries more and more. Could he live with himself if this was his brothers’ demise? If they all died because he had deceived them into a deadly game where using their powers was strictly forbidden, would he ever be forgiven? What would their father think? Splinter, all alone at home thinking his sons were going out for pizza to cure their munchies and would be back by the morning. What would he do if they didn’t come back at all? April. Their best friend who depended on the turtles for the friendship she so desperately craved at school. Could he stand to leave her at a time when she couldn’t fit in anywhere else at all? No. No, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t_. 

_With a shuddering realization, he knew he didn’t matter anymore. His life was indispensable. What was one soul for three to live? As long as he could get his brothers out...Leo pressed his lips together, sweating harder at the brushing blaze that flicked forward for a feathery kiss. The spikes were drawing closer, reflecting the red, orange, and yellow inferno on their metal surfaces. He pictured his brothers happy, absent without him weighing the team down. No longer would they have to chase him around and constantly fix his messes. They could be free of responsibility for him. He only needed one. Just one big portal for Raph to get through with Donnie and Mikey in tow. Raising the weapon above his head, he breathed in, focused, concentrated, breathed out, and slammed it down in one powerful motion. Sparks crackled through the air as mystic powers cut through the thick of space. The glowing blue crack hung for a moment before expanding into a swirling milky white portal. Shock. Relief. Leo stepped aside to let Raph make his breakthrough. As the snapper dove through the gateway, the slider made no move to follow, already seeing that his portal would not hold up long enough. And as the circle of light shrunk smaller and smaller, he could hear his brothers’ confusion, realization, then panic._

_“Leonardo!”_

_“Nardo!”_

_“Leo!”_

_And they were gone._

_With a quiet whisper, the portal faded into the air alongside his brothers’ pleas. Leo shuddered and dropped his sword. The jelly feeling through his legs made him wobble and fall to his knees. Though he felt numb, he smiled. He had done it. The heat was unbearable, beginning to sear at his skin. The spikes’ sharpened tips were an inch from his body._

_He had saved his brothers._

_And now he was going to die._

The first thing Leo did was shove all the blankets off himself, peeling back the fabric from his sweating body. His heart thrummed in his chest, strong and full of adrenaline as if he were still in danger. As if he ever were in danger. His lungs struggled to catch his breath as he lay paralyzed staring at the dark ceiling above. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, held it, then blew it out. His heart slowed, settling back into a normal comforting rhythm as he gained his bearings. Dried tears had caused his cheeks to itch and as he rubbed at them, the scarring images from the dream came flooding back in an unpleasant tidal wave. They had escaped that stupid Minotaur Maze ages ago. He had pulled through. He had gotten them out. Everything was fine. He was safe at home and not about to be skewered and cooked alive. 

Tilting his head, he blinked at the digital numbers on his clock to read that it was only 2:37 in the weak hours of the morning. His throat was dry, burning even, begging for a drink. With a small sigh, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and hauled himself up to go to the kitchen. The lair was dark, though it only took a few blinks for his eyes to adjust. Cutting through the main room, he entered the kitchen and easily located the cabinet where they kept their cupware. Switching on the water filter Donnie had installed on the faucet a while back, he waited for the blinking dot to cease so he could fill his glass. He shut off the water and began drinking. With a content sigh of relief, he felt his throat hydrate and the anxious aftertaste of the nightmare fade. 

“Nardo?”

His heart lashed out, suddenly kicking at his chest while fear shocked all his muscles frozen. The cup in his hands slipped and he could only watch in horror as it descended too fast for him to catch before breaking with an ear-splitting shatter on the concrete floor. Leo didn’t move, barely breathed. He couldn’t bear to look at Donnie who now curiously glanced between his brother and the shards dangerously glittering on the floor. “What’s going on? Did something-” Raph cut himself off as he viewed the scene before him, taking in the two brothers as one refused to meet any of their eyes. “Is anybody hurt?” Mikey timidly asked, not daring to step foot onto the littered floor. “Leo?” Donnie’s short inquiry spurred him into action. Without looking up at them, he quickly rounded the island kitchen and pushed past Mikey. He barely caught the boxshell’s quiet calling of his name before he made it out of hearing range and escaped back into his room.

A hatred writhed in his stomach, though he couldn’t place whatever for. His brothers? The world? Himself? He wanted to run. To flee far away from this place he called home. It didn’t feel like home anymore. The more he spent isolated from his brothers, the more it only felt like a shelter. The more he didn’t feel like he belonged. Leo lied on top of his bed, fearing the inevitable burning if he dared warm up again. He fell into a dreamless sleep curled up into a tight ball, shivering as he tried to provide himself warmth.

The sounds of pots and pans clanking and clashing together brought him out of his slumber. The slider blinked open his eyes and rubbed at the tiny crusts of residue while letting out an exhausted yawn. Dropping his arms, he frowned as he remembered the events that took place the other night. How embarrassing. It almost seemed like a muddy dream that he had to strain to remember, but it was there. It had happened. Reluctantly, rolled off the cold mattress to go and confront his brothers. 

Mikey was in the kitchen cooking, as usual, cheerfully chirping out a good morning to his blue brother as he flipped omelets together in the frying pan and cocked his head towards the tea kettle beginning to whistle. Leo smiled gratefully, noting in the back of his mind that the broken glass had been cleaned up. Opening up the cabinet, he ran through the various tea selections. Only he and his dad really only used that cabinet. Donnie preferred his dirty bean water while Mikey usually had juice and Raph took a variety of protein shakes, Gatorade, and water. Sifting through, he plucked out a packet of green tea and dropped it into the mug sitting beside the stove before shutting off the burner. He began the fill the cup. As if right on time, he picked up the mug and held out his hand the receive the plate of omelet Mikey had just finished. The old and established routine felt comforting and even brought a small smile to Leo’s face as he set out to join the other two in the main room to eat. 

A run of “Jupiter Jim: The Battle for Neptune’s Heart” was playing on the projector, taking advantage of Splinter’s sleeping schedule that tore him away from his precious TV for a few rare hours. Falling onto his father’s usual chair, he began digging into his omelet. However, his skin prickled as he sensed Raph and Donnie stealing worried glances his way. As he kept trying to submerge himself into Jupiter Jim’s epic battle in his quest to save Neptune, the looks only increased when Mikey joined. Agitation flickered in his stomach, suddenly wishing he had skipped breakfast to avoid their intrusive gazes. The longer he tried to pretend his discomfort didn’t exist, the more it grew alongside his irritation. The complaint was pushing behind his lips, reaching from the tips of his tongue...but hadn’t he also done enough damage? It was already awkward enough just sitting there with their pressing gazes lasting on him. Would he really discredit his brothers’ concern like that? Did he not _want_ to be cared about? The grip on his mug tightened slightly. Isn’t this what he wanted? To have his brothers constantly looking to him? ...No. This wasn’t the attention he craved. This was something different.

This attention dug beneath his skin. Wriggled deep down until he couldn’t understand why he was feeling so negative. This attention...he hated with a burning passion. Why couldn’t it just be a normal morning? He managed to stick it through, only managing to eat half of his breakfast as his appetite faded with every anxious glance. Fleeing to the kitchen, he began rinsing off the plate. A pit of nerves buzzed in the pit of his stomach, making his jittery. He didn’t want to be mad at his brothers. They didn’t do anything wrong. They were just concerned. So why was he angry?

_They’re just pitying you._

Leo’s motions wavered.

_Think about it. Do you think they’re too stupid to not realize?_

He set aside his plate.

_Perhaps they realized they’re better off without you._

He picked up his cup.

_Maybe they’re just waiting for the right moment to tell you._

He waited for the warm water to fill it.

_That would explain their anxiety, no?_

He poured it all out, swirling the water around as he filled it again.

_Maybe they realized what an absolutely pathetic..._

His fingers curled tighter around the handle.

_Useless…_

His lips pressed into a thin line.

_Worthless…_

He paused, screwing his eyes shut.

_Repulsive creature you are._

“Leo?”

Something inside him snapped like a rubber band pulled thin for too long. His body moved faster than his thoughts, his arm whipping out faster and stronger than it ever had before. The wet mug in his hand went flying, zipping towards the voice with deadly accuracy. Raph let out a panicked yelp that echoed through the hallway before the deafening crash of ceramic followed. Leo’s heart immediately began hammering as his eyes wildly looked up. A wet spot had darkened a portion of the wall as broken pieces of the blue cup now lay scattered across the floor. Three pairs of eyes now trained on him, a spotlight he never asked for. “Leo...please say something!” Mikey pleaded, stepping forward and reaching out for the slider. 

Leo reeled back, swallowing down the sobs that threatened to spill out. He could see the images now. He almost hurt Raph. _He almost hurt his brother._ “I have to go,” he gasped out, the floor shifting beneath his feet as he stumbled his way out, pushing blindly through the colored blurs as tears pricked beneath his eyelids. _Crybaby._ Leo fled the scene, ignoring the blurred concerned voices of his brothers and made a beeline for his room. Snatching the curtain closed, he tripped onto the floor. His foot...his foot was beginning to burn. He hurriedly and blindly touched around the padding of his sole before finding the source of the pain. When he pulled it out and focused his gaze, his stomach churned even more violently than before. 

Embedded into his skin had been a tiny glass shard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He had saved his brothers.
> 
> And now he was going to die.


End file.
